Navigating the Festive Season: Coping with Holiday Stress
I recently had the privilege of seeing one of my favorite musicians, Trace Bundy, perform a show here in Columbus. Towards the end of his set, he played one of my favorite songs, Joy & Sorrow, and talked about how our hearts are big enough to hold conflicting emotions at the same time. The therapist part of me was so thankful to hear a non-therapist say this publicly. And I’ll be honest that this made me tear up a bit given some recent grief in my personal life. Looking ahead, it makes me think of the holiday season in general.
I know, I know - it’s barely Halloween. It almost feels too early to be talking about holiday prep. (I bought my first Christmas candle of the year at Aldi this week and it felt wrong.) But in reality, holiday stress is better managed when we prepare for it ahead of time. I don’t know about you, but personally, my holidays are typically filled with fun, nostalgia, joy - along with stress and grief. I think this combo is normal. We’re all feeling it, but not a lot of people talk about it. Struggling during the holidays can feel extra isolating.
As holidays fast approach, I wanted to share some thoughts and strategies for managing all of the juxtaposing emotional experiences and additional stresses the next few months may bring. Holidays are a breeding ground for stress! Unrealistic expectations, financial pressures, and complex family dynamics often contribute to heightened stress levels during the holidays.
Set Realistic Expectations
The pressure to create a flawless holiday experience is overwhelming. One of the first steps in coping with holiday stress is to set realistic expectations. Embrace imperfections and understand that not everything will go exactly as planned. You cannot control how others respond and what others will choose to prioritize or enjoy. Striving for a perfect celebration can create unnecessary stress. Instead, focus on what will create meaningful moments for YOU. Allowing room for spontaneity and joy creates opportunities for cherished memories.
Prioritize Self-Care
One of my favorite reframes is moving from “Have I worked enough to rest?” to “Have I rested enough to do this work?” There’s more work to be done to make the magic of holidays come alive. Most often, that work falls to women. Which means women especially need to be resting more this season, not less.
Amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations, it's crucial to prioritize self-care. If you’re new here, we’re fans of “boring self care”: getting enough sleep, nourishing your body, taking meds as prescribed, moving your body in ways that feel good, spending time with people who lift you up, setting boundaries, getting outside in nature, and helpful spiritual practices. When you’ve got the extra mental load of hosting family from out of town, shopping for and cooking holiday meals, and gift planning, it’s so easy to lose the key pieces that keep you well during other times of the year. Schedule moments of alone time, invite others to join you in your wellness routines, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when something isn’t in alignment with your values or budget.
Manage Finances Wisely
Financial stress can cast a significant shadow over the festive spirit and create lingering stress for months to come. To alleviate this stressor, create a realistic budget for holiday spending. If you’re partnered and share finances, have a money date before we’re in the throes of the holiday season to review your budget, discuss holiday finances and boundaries, and check in on overall financial goals. Being proactive is always going to be better than being reactive.
Think of a budget as your financial boundaries. Honoring your budget allows you to avoid financial strain in the aftermath of the celebrations. Creative and thoughtful gift-giving ideas that emphasize sentiment over cost, and are line with your values, can also contribute to a more enjoyable and stress-free holiday. You have the freedom to politely opt out of the office or family gift exchange.
Embrace the Power of 'No'
One of the most empowering words during the holiday season is “no.“ Just like with other boundaries, when you say “no” to one thing, you automatically say “yes” to something else. Focus on what you’re choosing to say yes to instead. Assess your commitments carefully and prioritize your wellbeing. It's perfectly acceptable to decline invitations or engagements that may lead to burnout, create additional stress, or require additional mental load. It’s okay to change your mind and admit to overcommitting. It’s okay to schedule holiday gatherings in January or February to give everyone space. By embracing the power of 'no,' you can focus on what truly matters to you and ensure a more enjoyable holiday experience and embrace the things you’ve chosen to say yes to.
Communicate Openly
Clear and honest communication is a cornerstone of stress management during the holidays. Share your feelings and expectations openly with family and friends, encouraging them to do the same. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and reduces tension, fostering a more harmonious and enjoyable celebration.
As the Gottmans would say: use soft start ups; refrain from criticism and stonewalling (and avoid the other 4 horsemen of the relationship apocalypse); focus on building friendship and creating shared meaning with your partner. Let other adults be responsible for their own choices, experiences, and emotions.
Don’t Neglect Therapy
Therapy provides a valuable space for individuals and couples, especially in preparing for and getting through the holiday season. A skilled therapist can help you and your spouse have a more connected and relaxed holiday season by empowering you to:
explore and develop coping skills for managing holiday stress
understand and manage expectations
move through gridlocked conflict
navigate complex family dynamics
build tools to set boundaries, reduce stress, and communicate effectively
understand your triggers and prepare for them
develop effective coping strategies
…and more!
Honor Your Grief
My favorite definition of “acceptance” is agreeing with reality. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what’s going on, want to deal with it, wish it happened, or need to be grateful for it. It simply means you aren’t fighting the reality of the situation. As grief or other unpleasant emotions arise this holiday season, don’t fight or ignore them. Welcome them. Let them stay. Acknowledge their presence. Don’t overthink, minimize, or justify them. Grieve what is lost and agree with that reality in this present moment. Remember that these sad feelings won’t last forever. They don’t define you or the entirety of the situation.
Research on emotions shows that when we allow ourselves to feel our feelings and move through them, they don’t last as long and aren’t as intense. Noticing your emotions as they come, and agreeing with the reality that this holiday season comes with conflicting emotions and experiences, will allow you to move through them in a healthy manner.
From all of us at Sea Glass, we wish you a joyous holiday season filled with hope, love, and less stress than past years. We hope these tips give you some practical strategies for navigating the increased mental load and stress that often comes with the holiday season. We’d be honored to come alongside you this holiday season if you need additional support, just let us know.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.