What is purity culture?

Purity culture is an evangelical Christian movement that attempted to promote sexual abstinence until marriage. This movement has since been dubbed as both spiritual and sexual trauma. The impact of trauma and Christian sexual teaching is far-reaching.

In many religious circles, people are taught (explicitly and implicitly) that purity is their only value, lust ruins their relationship with God, or that sex outside of marriage is the ultimate sin. Women, especially, are told that they have to cover up their bodies and preserve their virginity until marriage. Many church leaders and popular Christian marriage books tell women that if men lust after them, it’s their own fault — they should’ve “worn less revealing clothes,” “acted less flirtatiously,” or “worked harder not to be a stumbling block” for someone else.

For women who grew up in evangelical purity culture, the topic of sex is traumatizing

Naturally, this obsession with purity leads to a lot of victim-blaming in the church. Purity culture is associated with enabling rape culture, inadequate information about sex, and higher incidents of sexual dysfunction and pain. Women, even at very young ages, are made to be gatekeepers of sex; they’re held responsible for the actions of men, even if men harmed them. Many Christian women come to view themselves — their bodies, bodily functions, sexuality, sexual desires, attractions, thoughts — as dirty, damaged, sinful, broken, undesirable, irredeemable.

Research shows purity culture can impact long-term sexual health. Studies show that rates of dyspareunia (difficult or painful sex) are higher for people raised with restrictive sexual values, and women identifying as Christian have higher risks of suffering from sexual dysfunction. Women often experience the same amount of self-hatred and sexual shame in adulthood that sexual abuse survivors do — even if there’s never been any additional instances of sexual abuse or assault. Little wonder, then, that sex can be traumatizing for Christian women.

Purity culture negatively impacts Christian women’s sexual wellbeing and romantic relationships

Christians often enter into romantic relationships and marriage with unhealthy and unrealistic views about sex and relationships, poor communication skills to advocate for themselves, and little or inaccurate knowledge of their own bodies. Purity culture’s overemphasis on when sex should be had (in marriage), without accurate education about how to have a healthy, redeemed sexual life (even in marriage) can be contributing factors to the orgasm gap in Christian sexual relationships, and higher rates of vaginismus in Christian women than the general population.

Meet our certified EMDR therapists and Christian sex therapists. We have extensive training in the neurobiology of stress and trauma, advanced training in sex therapy, and years of clinical experience helping clients heal from all sorts of trauma — including religious trauma and shame of purity culture. Each of us happens to also be Christian. We have lived experience growing up in purity culture, assessing and grieving the damage of those beliefs and dynamics in our adult relationships, and reconstructing a healthy view of sexuality and relationships that better fits our faith.

Our Christian faith deepens our clinical expertise

We believe that God designed the nervous system, and the trauma responses your brain and body have when your system is overwhelmed. The responses you have to trauma are natural, not sinful. We are sex-positive and believe that God designed sex to be mutually pleasurable. It is not wrong to desire sex or experience pleasure. We believe that healthy relationships and emotionally healthy spirituality are totally possible, no matter your relationship status. It is not wrong to practice self care and set healthy boundaries in your life. We believe you are only responsible for yourself. You are not to blame for how someone else has wronged you. We believe that science and faith can coexist. We use evidence-based therapy techniques, with full confidence that our work together will support God’s design for your emotional, relational, sexual, and spiritual wellbeing.