3 Tips for Healing From Past Relationship Trauma
When thinking about who we are and how we exist in the world, it’s sometimes helpful to imagine ourselves as a flowing river. Like a river, our lives wind through different stages and relationships, picking up lessons and mementos along the way. Sometimes we pick up mementos we’d rather not—wounds left by betrayal, abuse, and neglect. The shock of finding out that the person you love was an illusion.
With any form of trauma, it’s important to recognize what it is: lessons from the past preoccupying your attention in the present, and causing you to worry about the future. Our bodies remember pain, emotional or physical, and our brains are trained to look out for danger in the future. Sometimes the ways we hang onto that trauma keeps us safe, but sometimes it holds us back.
Here are 3 useful tips you can use when you’re ready to heal from past relationship trauma:
Focus on the present
One of the best ways to start healing is by making a conscious effort to focus on the present, rather than worrying about the past. Grounding is a good way to do that. Make a special effort to enjoy the taste of your meals—the texture of your clothes against your skin. Similarly, instead of worrying about what your partner might have meant by something they said, focus on their actions.
Do they treat you with respect?
Are they excited to see you?
How open are they about themselves?
By focusing on the present, you can see your partner for who they are in each moment. By keeping yourself grounded in the present, you can enjoy your time with them. This doesn’t mean ignoring any red flags that might pop up—it means being aware of them as they appear, instead of dreading them or seeking them out.
Growth and self care
In very broad strokes, practicing self-care means giving yourself the love you deserve. Yes, it does mean eating healthy foods, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep—but it also means taking time to look inward.
Self-care means:
Knowing your needs
Maintaining hobbies & interests
Setting healthy boundaries
Being kind to yourself
Give yourself the same kindness, love, and attention you’d give your children, or your friends. That means extending yourself forgiveness when you make a mistake. Many people who struggle with past relationship trauma do so because they’ve lost their sense of safety and security and haven’t been able to get it back.
Become someone you trust to take care of you. It will do wonders for your healing process.
Build your support system
Another helpful way to heal from past relationship trauma is by engaging people you feel safe with. Focus on friends who you can trust to listen without judgment. Make sure you’re taking time to have fun with your friends! Schedule time to try out new hobbies together, or take in a movie!
While it can be tempting to spend an awful lot of time analyzing relationships and going through your worries with your friends, that’s just another way of letting the past control your present.
If you’ve been through a difficult divorce, or experienced childhood neglect or abuse, carve out time and social situations where you can unpack those experiences. Give those parts of your life a voice without letting them run the show.
Schedule a consultation
If you’re still struggling to heal from past relationship trauma, please don’t hesitate to reach out about trauma therapy.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.