Is Pelvic Pain During Sex Normal?
When you grow up surrounded by mixed messages about sexuality it can be difficult to know what’s normal and what’s not. Depictions of sex are often unrealistic or negative—focused on visuals that are divorced from the sensations that go with them. On top of that, sex is often talked about in terms of guilt and shame.
For many women, pelvic pain during sex is a common complaint. Possible causes for that can be medical, emotional, or even communication. Many people who grow up struggling to communicate or explore their sexuality don’t have a clear sense of what feels good and what doesn’t—not just for themselves, but for their partners, too.
If you’re struggling with pelvic pain during sex and it’s interfering with your ability to enjoy yourself, here are some possible causes:
Sexual anxiety
One of the most common causes of pelvic pain during sex is anxiety. Sometimes anxiety around sex can be linked to a religious upbringing, like growing up in purity culture. Sexuality for many women (and men!) is tied to feeling confident, safe, and relaxed. We often overlook the importance of trust with regard to sexuality.
Many people struggle to communicate with their partners around the subject of sex. We’re at our most vulnerable, with our bodies and insecurities on display. People can be sensitive to feedback and guidance, leading to flared tempers. Even when two people have chemistry and can trust each other, there’s a good chance that one or both of them have had unpleasant sexual experiences in the past.
Pelvic pain is common, but should not be considered "normal." If you're experiencing pain with sex, EMDR therapy may help.
Sexual anxiety often translates to tension and tightness. That tension is a leading cause of pelvic pain during sex. Other mental health conditions like depression, OCD, and trauma can contribute to this as well. Our emotional state is closely tied to our ability to enjoy sex.
Medical conditions
In some cases, pelvic pain can be caused by medical or physical conditions. Endometriosis, for example, can cause intense pain in the pelvic floor, heavy flow during menstruation, and general discomfort during intercourse. If you’re worried this may describe you, it’s worth discussing with your gynecologist as it can be treated with medication.
Some sexually transmitted diseases can also be a source of pelvic pain during sex. Yeast infections, herpes, and chlamydia are sometimes the culprit. In other cases, women may experience pain during sex after childbirth.
Communication gaps
Good sex doesn’t happen by accident. It’s the product of communication, collaboration, and practice. Many couples struggle with communication around sex. They’re so worried about hurting each other’s feelings that they aren’t working together to help each other understand their needs.
It’s critically important for the bedroom to be a safe, judgment-free space. Women especially need to feel safe to set boundaries, provide feedback, and advocate for their own pleasure. Men need to feel secure that their masculinity isn’t at stake. They aren’t being judged. Sex is not a competition; it’s a collaborative exercise and the goal is a fun, safe, enjoyable experience.
Sometimes, pelvic pain during sex is as simple as not having sorted out the positions that work for you and your partner. Angles are important! Sometimes a pillow under the back, or a quick pause to touch base and discuss sensations are all that’s needed to get on the same page.
Schedule a consultation
While common, pelvic pain during sex isn’t ‘normal’ in the sense that it should be expected. If you feel tense or on edge during sex, there’s a good chance that your pelvic pain might be psychological in nature. The good news is that whether it’s due to a medical condition or your emotional state, it’s very treatable.
At Sea Glass, we specialize in working with women and their partners to overcome sexual pain that might be caused by medical conditions or trauma, including purity culture. We love helping our clients get in touch with their bodies and their needs so that they can experience pleasure and better communicate with their partners. If you’re interested in a consultation to learn more about how we can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out today to learn more about sex therapy.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.