What Does It Mean To Be Sex Positive?
Sexuality is a fundamental part of the human experience, but for so many people its also a source of discomfort and shame. No matter what your background, it’s likely that you grew up with conflicting messages about sex. Sex is sacred. Sex is dirty. It’s dangerous. There’s a right way to do it. There’s a wrong way to do it.
With all that pressure, is it any wonder that so many couples struggle to connect?
At its core, sex positivity is about embracing the idea that sex can be healthy and fun. That part of the human experience is exploring, understanding, and embracing our own sexuality in a safe way. A person can be sex positive in or out of a relationship, with or without a sexual partner. Sex positivity is about your relationship with your own sexuality - and not “yucking” someone else’s “yum.”
Sex Negative Behavior
Before looking at what it means to be sex positive, it’s important to understand that we are surrounded by sex negativity. It’s a part of our culture that surrounds us all throughout our development as sexual beings, well into adulthood. Sex negativity holds the belief that one way (typically, “your way”) is the only or best way. Sex negative behavior then creates spaces where others whose identities don’t align with yours are cast out.
Examples of Sex Negative Behavior include:
Body shaming of any sort
Describing sex or sexuality as shameful, disgusting, or weird
Purity culture; implying that a person’s worth and salvation is tied to their sexual “purity” or virginity
Using sexual orientation as an insult
Expecting women to cover up while breastfeeding
Slut-shaming people for their sexual behavior
Blaming victims of sexual assault for their attackers’ behavior
Using sex as a way of control or manipulation
Denying the possibility of rape within marriage
Misusing scripture or spiritual concepts to condemn people, bodies, pleasure, sexual acts, etc.
More broadly, sex negative behavior purports that there is a ‘normal’ way for people to express their sexuality, and that everything else is ‘abnormal’.
Being Sex Positive
Sexual Diversity
A key part of being sex positive is acknowledging the diversity of human sexuality. This begins with accepting and celebrating the differences in human physiology. Each person’s body is uniquely created, and so is how they experience desire, pleasure, attraction, and satisfaction.
Openness & Communication
A sex positive outlook promotes comfort in communication about sex, especially between partners. It’s important for people to be able to explore and understand their own bodies so that they can communicate their needs in a safe, comfortable way.
Examples of Sex Positive Behavior
Exploring your fantasies without guilt
Bodily autonomy and consent
Communicating your sexual desires and preferences to partners
Learning to love and accept your body
Practicing safe sex
Setting clear sexual boundaries for yourself
Analyzing your attitudes toward sex
Using anatomically correct terms, not euphemisms for body parts or acts
Challenging gender norms and stereotypes
Being sex positive means exploring, accepting, and enjoying your sexuality as a positive part of your life. Embracing yourself as a sexual being and embracing your sensuality. Expressing your sexuality in a way that is legal, consensual, safe to yourself and others, and ethical.
Sex Positivity for Christians
Sex positivity as it relates to Christians, holds hat holiness and sexuality are not mutually exclusive. You can be a person of faith and also be sexual, have pleasure, and invest in your sexual wellness. Sex positive Christians recognize that the God of the Bible is inherently sex positive and values pleasure - it’s humans who have distorted sex.
Sex was created to be pleasurable, not simply for procreation
Providing and promoting medically accurate sex education
Sex is intended to be mutual and pleasurable for both persons
Redefining sex as an expression of your relationship, not an individual need
Giving yourself permission to explore and enjoy your body
Promoting clinical counseling, trauma therapy, and evidence-based sex and relationship material within your local church and discipleship relationships
Separating “purity” from purity culture
Using scripture accurately to promote healthy relationships, communication, boundaries, and sexuality
The Benefits of Being Sex Positive
One of the best parts of adopting a sex positive mindset is having a happy, healthy relationship with your own sexuality. By accepting yourself and embracing your own sexual uniqueness, you can better communicate with others, advocate for your own needs, and establish deeper, more sexually satisfying relationships.
What Being Sex Positive Does NOT Mean
Being sex positive does NOT mean that you should be expected to have high libido, have a large (or small) number of sexual partners, engage in polyamory, disregard your own boundaries and preferences, etc. Sex positivity simply means accepting without judgment your own sexuality, and not holding others to your own standard.
Sex Therapy Can Help
We believe firmly in a sex positive approach to sexuality, and specialize in helping people unpack sexual trauma and sex negative thinking. If you’re interested in learning to be more sex positive, we would love to be of service. Reach out to us to learn more about how Christian Sex Therapy can benefit you.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.