What Is Betrayal Trauma? Signs & Symptoms Explained
In today’s post we’ll be exploring a specific type of trauma experienced when people discover someone they trust and rely on for survival has betrayed them. Betrayal Trauma was first described by Jennifer Freyd in 1991 as a way of exploring the experience of individuals forced to continue maintaining abusive, unsafe relationships in order to survive.
What Makes Betrayal Trauma Different
The primary difference between betrayal trauma and other types of trauma is that there is an imbalance in the power dynamic. Normally after infidelity or abuse, people have the agency to decide whether or not they want to stay. Betrayal Trauma is what happens when you’re betrayed by someone you rely on. You can’t leave the situation because you rely on your betrayer to provide for basic needs like food and shelter. You might not even be able to acknowledge the betrayal happened. If you were to acknowledge it, you might be subjected to physical abuse or threats of violence.
In both cases, the betrayal trauma is exacerbated due to continued exposure and fear for physical safety and well-being.
Signs of Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal Trauma occurs when what should be a close, loving bond becomes a source of danger. Whether you experienced Betrayal Trauma as the result of a child-caregiver relationship or as part of a romantic partnership, the signs and symptoms are the same.
Low Self-Esteem
It’s natural for your self-esteem to suffer when someone who is supposed to love and care for you betrays you through infidelity, neglect, or outright abuse. You might be told the abuse or betrayal is your fault. You may be unwilling to advocate for yourself because you’re afraid of the consequences. Not only is your self-worth undermined by your betrayer, but because you can’t leave, you’re unable to give yourself the care and love you deserve.
Remember: even if you aren’t in a position to take care of yourself, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved.
Emotional Outbursts
Because people suffering from Betrayal Trauma are often unable to leave their situation or confront it directly, those feelings build up and can explode into what seem like irrational outbursts. Anger and frustration over an affair comes out as an explosive episode over unwashed dishes left in the sink. In particularly unhealthy relationships, this can leave you feeling like the bad guy even when you’re not.
Intrusive Thoughts
Unpleasant thoughts and feelings often bubble back up until dealt with. Intrusive thoughts can keep you up all night, derail a romantic date, or ruin an otherwise fun family gathering.
Hypervigilance
Once you’ve suffered from Betrayal Trauma, it’s likely you’ll be on the lookout for it to happen again. Are you always trying to get ahead of other people's reactions? Do you try to manage other people’s reactions by limiting the information you give them? If you’re too busy looking for the next flashing danger sign to relax and enjoy yourself, this might describe you.
Depression
Situations like these often feel hopeless. Especially if you feel trapped in a marriage or caregiver relationship you can’t escape due to financial constraints or for safety reasons, you might find yourself falling into a deep state of depression.
If you feel yourself headed down this road, contact a professional immediately for help and support.
Substance Abuse & Eating Disorders
Another way people deal with Betrayal Trauma is by self-medicating through substance abuse. It might be over-indulging in alcohol, dabbling in drugs, or engaging in unhealthy eating habits. It also could look like dangerous dietary habits in response to infidelity or feelings of low self-esteem.
Recovery
If you feel like you may be suffering from Betrayal Trauma, we can help. We specialize in helping adults process and heal wounds suffered due to traumas experienced at the hands of caregivers, institutions, or romantic partners. We would love to help you through your journey toward healing, and letting go of old wounds with trauma therapy, let's connect soon.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started with a Certified EMDR therapist in Ohio.