Anorgasmia: Orgasm Difficulty
"Why can't I experience the pleasure I deserve?"
Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to reach orgasm, even when you’ve tried to create the right environment or feel like you "should" be able to? Do you feel frustrated, confused, or even broken because your sexual desire and responses don’t align with your expectations or experiences? You're not alone. Many women, especially those raised with limited or inaccurate messages around sexual desire and intimacy, struggle to connect with their own pleasure. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed about not being able to have an orgasm, and the pressure to "perform" can create more anxiety than relaxation.
Difficulty with orgasm can feel isolating and discouraging. Anorgasmia is when an orgasm is absent, delayed, infrequent, or lacks intensity despite arousal. This can cause emotional distress, low self-esteem, and relationship problems. EMDR Whether you’re single, married, or in a relationship, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out on something that others seem to experience with ease. One of the most common concerns women with anorgasmia face is a deep sense of frustration about why things don’t seem to "work" no matter what they try.
If you’ve been struggling with this for a while, you might feel like there’s no way forward, or you’re too embarrassed to seek help. Maybe you finally found the courage to seek help from another provider and were left dismissed, embarrassed, and discouraged. I want you to know you are not alone and there is hope.
Types of Anorgasmia
Anorgasmia takes many forms – primary (when you’ve never had an orgasm), secondary (when you used to have orgasms but no longer do), and situational (where you may be able to orgasm solo but not with a partner). It’s important to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. Orgasm difficulty is more common than many women realize, and it’s not a reflection of your worth or identity. Studies show that around 10-15% of women experience persistent difficulty with orgasm, and up to 30% report occasional challenges.
Women often experience a disconnect between sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm, especially when they've been taught that sex is something to perform, or something that happens to them instead of something for them to mutually enjoy and experience pleasure. Studies show that women who enter marriage believing an obligation sex message are 37% more likely to experience sexual pain, and 29% less likely to orgasm frequently. Studies show that Christian women in particular experience orgasm less frequently than their male partners (95% of men almost always or aways reaching orgasm while just over 48% of women do).
Many factors can contribute to anorgasmia: stress, trauma, relationship dynamics, medical history, medications, mental health, inaccurate or incomplete sex education, and even cultural or religious teachings that shaped your understanding of sex. As women, we often carry unspoken shame or guilt around our bodies and sexual responses (or lack thereof), which can block the very pleasure we're meant to experience.
The good news is that EMDR and sex therapy can allow you to connect with your body and cultivate a more fulfilling sexual experience, solo or partnered.
EMDR + Sex Therapy can help you reclaim pleasure
Sex therapy is one of the primary lines of treatment for primary anorgasmia. At Sea Glass, we love to combine sex therapy with EMDR therapy for an incredibly effective way to address any underlying emotional, psychological, and relational factors that may be contributing to your difficulty with orgasm. If you’re not already working with a sex medicine specialist, we’ll provide a referral and make sure to rule out any physical or medical issues that may be hindering your orgasm.
Whether the issue stems from past trauma, negative beliefs about your sexuality, or stress and anxiety around intimacy, EMDR helps your brain reprocess these experiences and close the gap between your head knowledge, and heart knowledge. (It’s one thing to cognitively think I’m allowed to embrace my sexuality – but quite another to actually embody that belief in a way that reflects outwardly). Closing the gap between head and heart beliefs around yourself as a sexual being can enable you to release any shame, fear, and tension that hinder your sexual experience. Adding EMDR to sex therapy allows our clients to experience a gentle process of less anxiety, more connection to your body, and more pleasure.
Our work together will also focus on developing tools for mindfulness, embodiment, stress relief, and self-acceptance, four key components in allowing yourself to experience orgasm. Many women experience significant breakthroughs after just a few sessions, as we address both the practical and emotional aspects of sex and orgasm.
If you’re partnered, sex therapy also focuses on helping you and your partner improve communication about what feels good for you and reframing sex from performative to pleasure-filled. Sometimes that’s through individual counseling and, other times we’ll suggest your partner join us for couples therapy. These sessions are designed to create a safe, open space for exploring your desires, identifying new ways to connect, and helping you work towards finding what works for you and your body.
By the end of our work together, you'll feel more empowered, connected, and capable of enjoying the pleasure you deserve.
As therapists with specialized training in both EMDR and sex therapy, our staff has had the privilege of working alongside many women who struggle anorgasmia and other sexual concerns. Our approach is both compassionate and practical, helping you work through emotional barriers, treat underlying physical conditions, and address any relationship concerns to ultimately help you create a more and empowered sexual experience. Our therapists are dedicated to helping women reclaim their sexuality and experience pleasure without shame or guilt.
