Tips for Successful Couples Therapy
Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a widely trusted approach used throughout the therapy world to help empower couples to come together. Originally created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, this approach is evidence-based and proven to be effective in building stronger relationships.
The basis of couples therapy using the Gottman Method builds upon the idea of the “Sound Relationship House” - a series of foundational processes within a relationship that focuses on building shared meaning, positive affect towards your friendship and intimacy within the relationship, and the ability to have constructive conflict.
If you’re reading this, you’ve likely already considered exploring Couples Therapy and have probably heard of the Gottman Method. And for good reason! No matter your age, gender, background, or stage in a relationship, Gottman Method can have benefits for you. In my opinion as an Ohio sex and relationship therapist, Gottman Method is excellent therapy for couples. All couples need to have these foundational skills to have healthy marriages and relationship dynamics. Unfortunately it’s rare to learn them from our families of origin, and we aren’t explicitly taught them at any other point in life. If you’re considering couples counseling in Ohio, here are some essential tips for making the most of couples therapy.
Embrace the opportunity for change
If you’re looking into couples therapy, odds are there’s something within the relationship that needs adjustment or fine tuning. One of the most important things to consider for finding success is both persons being open to the idea of making changes. Each of you brings something to the relationship that’s going to need shifting. Rarely is it an issue where just one person needs to make significant changes. And when that’s the case, usually couples therapy isn’t a good idea.
There are a variety of reasons someone would enter marriage counseling, and maybe this wasn’t your idea to begin with. Remain reasonable and consider why this may be needed or wanted. Keep an open mind as you enter into this chapter and be willing to do some self-reflection. You both need to be willing to make adjustments, or coupes therapy won’t be successful.
Practice new communication skills
Healthy communication is an art that requires practice. For couples therapy, we usually meet once a week for an hour or 90-minutes. Which means the bulk of practicing your new skills needs to happen outside of the therapy sessions. One of the things I love most about Gottman Method couples therapy is that it gives practical tools for healthy communication. Make a commitment to yourselves to practice what you’re learning in your real life.
Key things you’ll address include learning how to effectively express your feelings, concerns, wants, and needs. You’ll do this by practicing active listening, use of “I” statements, turning towards one another, and validating one another.
Take a look at how you communicate with your partner and be willing to make healthy changes. Foster open communication. Embrace honest dialogue. Make time and space for the hard, deep conversations.
Get comfortable with conflict
Society places such a skewed opinion on conflict within relationships. The perfect picture that is painted as relationship goals is a couple that never argues, never disagrees, and never experiences conflict. In actuality, that is far from what should be considered healthy or perfect.
Conflict is inevitable in any long-term, intimate relationship. And it’s not a bad thing! Take conflict as an opportunity for growth, learning, connection, and chance to practice some of those new communication skills. Research shows that WHAT couples argue about doesn’t tend to change, but HOW you argue with your partner is what makes all the difference in the world. Conflict doesn’t have to mean something negative if you’re being healthy about it.
Gottman Couples Therapy teaches how to effectively navigate through conflict resolution with your partner, manage the emotional aspect, reduce negative feelings of resentment, and obtain the most ideal outcomes.
Show gratitude
Research shows there needs to be a ratio of 5 to 1 positive to negative affect within a relationship. When you’re breaking down any issues or areas of improvement in your relationship, you’re going to have challenging moments. Sometimes more than before as you each learn to try out new skills. You may find you’re bringing up feelings you either didn’t realize you had or have suppressed for some time, so it may feel like a roller coaster.
Remember to take moments to share gratitude towards your partner and be respectful during the process. Use the therapy time to note any areas you may have been taking each other for granted.
Remember you’re a team
Depending on where you’re at in your relationship in the present moment, you may have different feelings towards your partner. People don’t typically explore couples therapy when everything is going great. (Which, honestly is a shame because that’s when we can do preventative work and really set couples up for success to thrive, not just survive.) It’s easy to harbor negative feelings or feel like you’re not on the same page.
As you enter the therapy process, remember you and your partner are on the same team. You came together to create a life together. You still want the best for each other, so use this time to get back on the path to do it together.
Are you having relationship issues? With the right tools, you can address and manage them and grow closer and stronger as a couple. Reach out to us today to learn more about Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is an EMDR therapy practice in Dublin, Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, Gottman Method couples therapy, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started .