The last few weeks we’ve talked about strategies for coping with holiday stress and navigating family dynamics during the holidays. Today we bring you a list of conversation starters for setting holidays boundaries with your partner this season.

Every year, clients spend time in therapy talking about how stressful and overwhelming the holiday season is. Family dynamics, the pressure to be everywhere all at once, do all the fun things, the extra expenses - it all adds up quickly. Every year, we as therapists find ourselves having conversations about setting boundaries ahead of time so that the holiday season can be enjoyable and refreshing.

Remember - every yes to one thing is a no to something else. Boundaries aren’t a punishment, they’re protective of your emotional energy, relationship, finances, and overall wellbeing. Without further ado, here’s some things to chat with your partner about so you can be on the same page this season and set yourselves up for success.

Finances

What is our gift-giving budget – total? Per person? For each other?

What’s our budget for…

seasonal décor?
holiday activities?
holiday meals?
donating to charity?

How much money can we spend to travel for the holidays?

How can we respond when something is outside of our budget?

Gift Giving

Whom are we giving gifts to?

What gifts will we give?

How will we respond if invited to participate in an office gift exchange?

How can we give gifts in a way that’s consistent with our values? Our budget?

Who is responsible for the mental load of gifts? (EX: research, purchasing, wrapping, budgeting, etc.)

Is one person responsible for the full mental load of gifts, or is there some way we can split this up equitably? (EX: You plan and budget the gifts, I shop for and wrap them).

What are others’ boundaries that we need to respect when giving gifts?

Time & Travel

Who do we want to prioritize seeing?

Are there events that we are absolutely not willing to miss?

Who do we want to spend time with on the actual holiday(s)?

Who are we okay to see before or after the actual holiday(s)?

How much time are we willing to spend traveling?

How do we prefer to travel this year?

How many holiday events per week are we willing to attend?

How much PTO are we able/willing to use?

What time is important for us to spend together as a couple/with our own family?

How long do we want to stay at the party for?

How much time is important for us to spend with other family or friends?

Traditions & Celebrations

What traditions or rituals do we want to uphold this year?

What traditions or rituals do we want to forgo this year?

What new traditions or memories do we want to start this year?

How can we respond when old family traditions no longer align with our current beliefs?

Relational & Emotional

What topics are off-limits?

What attitudes or behaviors are unacceptable?

How can we respond if there’s family conflict?

What rituals for maintaining our connection are still important to maintain during this busy time?

How can we support one another in not checking work emails when taking PTO, at family events, or on holidays?

How are you comfortable giving/receiving physical affection?

How can you respond if body boundaries are violated?

Food & Drinks

How can we support each other in sobriety or cutting back on drinking?

How can we support each other in making healthier choices if desired?

How are we communicating our needs for allergies or dietary preferences to the people with whom we have holiday meals?

How can we respond if someone comments on our eating habits or appearance?

Sea Glass Counseling and Consultation is a virtual EMDR therapy practice in Ohio. Our compassionate, skilled therapists use evidence-based techniques grounded in the neurobiology of stress, trauma, and relationships to make sure your treatment is personalized and effective. Sea Glass therapists provide telehealth counseling in Ohio for individuals and couples. We’re best known for providing Intensive EMDR therapy, Gottman Method couples therapy, and sex therapy for Christians. Interested in working together? Contact us today to get started.

Holiday boundaries to set with your partner